Heiddi asked if I could address this topic. So I thought I should break it down in two parts. This part is about dealing with the fear of rejection and I’ll do another on dealing with actual rejection, later.
Fear of rejection is a cunning and baffling block for many writers, both aspiring and seaoned. An aspiring writer might allow herself to write (like in a journal or a blog) but never submit her work to paying markets because of this fear. And an experienced writer might have some publication success and then balk at taking her career to the next level where rejection is surely more likely.
If I have learned one thing in the past seven-plus years that I’ve been writing for publication, it’s this: You are going to get rejected. It’s a fact and it’s helpful to develop the capacity to roll with it. For some, dealing with rejection takes more practice than others, but there is really no shame in however much time and energy you need to invest.
The proactive way to respond to a fear of rejection is to identify it, address it, and work on it until it is no longer, or is at least less of, an issue. Who can say if these things ever really go away completely.
I can promise you this. If you are willing to deal with your personal challenges as a writer, they won’t dog you the way they will if you avoid them. That’s just like everything in life, right?
I don’t think fear of rejection is an easy issue to contend with because it’s very personal and quite emotionally loaded, for some folks. Think about it, your fear of rejection as a writer may go all the way back to a childhood memory or even a recurring pattern of rejection that you have experienced throughout your life. (I’m not saying this is true for the person who asked the question, I’m just saying it’s possible for anyone.)
So I just don’t want to give some kind of blithe response that makes it sound like, “Oh fear of rejection? That’s no big deal. Get over it and move on.”
Maybe, for you, a fear of rejection is a big deal. And it won’t go away until you look at it more deeply. I can’t help you with that per se because I’m not a doctor. But I can recommend some books for creatives that can help quite a bit.
Keep in mind that these books are not insta-cures. You may wish to work with them over time. And as I always recommend, you may want to not only read them but also engage in the exercises to experience the full benefits.
But whatever you do, don’t park your writing dreams until you are “cured” of your fear of rejection. Because, as I said, you may never completely recover from it, but you may certainly learn how to manage it so that it is no longer a block for you.
Okay, here’s those titles:
By Eric Maisel
Toxic Criticism
and/or
A Life in the Arts
By Julia Cameron
The Right to Write
and/or
The Artist’s Way
I hope this is helpful. Does anyone else have any book suggestions or personal experience to share?
A book that has helped me a lot is “The Courage to Write” by Ralph Keyes.
Monica