Writer Mama Riffs on Raising A Writing Career Alongside Your Kids

I have been wanting to do a writer mama panel for a long time. So I invited Chelsea Cain, Elizabeth Rusch and Heather Sharfeddin and we did a panel. Diana Page Jordan moderated and she was terrific. The whole experience was altogether enjoyable. I wish I had recorded it!

We’ve all recently published very different kinds of books and yet, despite our individual approaches to process, we seemed to agree on the following:

Childcare is important.

Supportive spouses are key.

Seeking a tribe of believing mirror fellow writers is critical (especially because they may not be the folks closest to you, that last part came from me).

Thanks, to Page Jordan from Barnes & Noble for hosting! And Jerry Isom and Bill Johnson from Willamette Writers!

Here we are. I will definitely be organizing another one near Mother’s Day. Thanks everyone for coming!

Meanwhile, when she wasn’t in the audience, Samantha enjoyed the children’s section.

She was also pleased to receive a copy of Elizabeth Rusch’s A Day with No Crayons (Rising Moon), one of four books she published this year along with the Oregon Book Award Nominated, Will It Blow? Become a Volcano Detective at Mount St. Helen’s (Sasquatch), The Planet Hunter, The Story Behind What Happened to Pluto (Rising Moon), and Girls Tennis, Conquering the Court.

All in all, it was a good day.

Did I mention that it’s the biggest Barnes & Noble between Vancouver B.C. and San Francisco?

That’s right.

If you want to learn more, please visit my earlier posts here and here and the Willamette Writers Website.

And don’t forget to tell the B&N cashier you want your book purchase credited to Books for Kids.

You may download cashier vouchers, which will also be avaiable at every cashier station, and a PDF flyer for the event, if you’d like one, here.

Whew. What a long and wonderful six months it’s been!

Thanks for reading all about it here. If you missed it, you can always scroll back to April and follow the “blogprints” from there.

I’ll be posting some media materials for organizers of Spring, Summer and Fall writer events, but until March 2008, I’ll pretty much be taking a break from traveling. I’m really happy about being able to hunker down in the gloomy months and just write my brains out.

Really, really happy.

I’m going to officially thank everyone who helped with the tour now, so brace yourself:

Special thanks to the folks at Writer’s Digest Books: Jane Friedman, Michelle Ehrhard, Greg Hatfield, Phil Sexton, and Stephen Koenig. Also thanks to Claudean Wheeler for every compliment I received about Writer Mama’s cover (there were many!).

Gratitude to Writer’s Digest Magazine for the awesome “When Writing and Parenthood Collide Contest.” And thank you Maria Schneider for choosing The Writer Mama Riffs blog for her “The Writer’s Perspective” blogroll.

Big hugs to Sage Cohen for her sunny support in all kinds of weather.

High fives to Sharon Cindrich for swapping travel tales and all the writing-a-first book support we shared along the way.

So thankful to all of the contributors to Writers on the Rise and all of the participants in our awesome Writer Mama Back-to-School Daily Giveaway (which I am going to wrap up soon, I promise!).

Thanks to my agent, Rita Rosenkranz, for being the model of poise and professionalism at all times. Special thanks to the Weiser family, especially to Barb, for picking up the childcare slack.

Thanks to all of the hosts including Broadway Books in Portland, Village Books in Bellingham, Orca Books in Olympia, Willamette Writers Portland Chapter, Willamette Writers Coast Chapter, Third Place Books in Redmond, Washington, The WD/BEA Writer’s Conference and Writer’s Digest at Book Expo America in New York City, OWC Presents at Powell’s in Beaverton, The PNWA Conference in Seattle, The Willamette Writers Conference in Portland, The Whidbey Island Writer’s Association MFA Fall Residency, Willamette Writers Central Oregon Chapter, Willamette Writers of Southern Oregon, Columbia College, Chicago’s Creative Nonfiction Week, The Northwest Women’s Show in Portland, and The Wilsonville Public Library & The Wilsonville Arts & Culture Council’s Northwest Author Series.

Thanks to my students for their willingness to work and write hard!

And especially thanks to you, the readers of this blog, for teaching me how to be a blogger. I had no idea what I was getting myself into and I still can’t keep up with most of you. But I do the best I can.

Especially thanks for continuing to spread the word about Writer Mama. The word-of-mouth support has been just incredible. And I always appreciate every single personal recommendation whether it’s to a friend, a fellow writer, a daughter, mother, student, teacher, reader, librarian, bookstore, or event organizer.

Now is an especially important time to continue to share what you like about Writer Mama. So don’t stop, just because I am saying…

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I deserve a Java Chip Frapuccinio.

Okay, maybe “rock” is a strong word for what we did.

But we had a good time. So rock it is!

I spent the lion’s share of my twenties in Chicago. I’d just gotten my B.A. from Dartmouth College in English and spent the summer as a T.A. at Phillips Andover’s Summer School.

I was preppy. I was incredibly naive. I was scared. And when I landed in Chicago, after driving all night to get there from Mass. in my boyfriend’s old Buick with “My Kind of Town” by Frank Sinatra booming through the speakers and the Sears Tower lit and looming through the windshield, I was a quite a lot like Dorothy, only I woke up in Chicago instead of Oz.

Over the next nine years, I sometimes followed (and sometimes didn’t follow) the yellow brick road wherever it took me.

And then one not very happy day (if I am remembering correctly, not much else was going very well), I said, “Screw it. I’m writing.” And I got myself an application to Columbia College Chicago’s Fiction Writing Program. Graduate school was a place where houses didn’t fall from the sky. There were no wicked witches there. Just a lot of other aspiring writers just like me, who wanted to write and after that pretty much didn’t have clue.

I met my friend Kristin Bair O’Keeffe there and we became fast friends. United by our literary desire and our belief that were hot stuff (I’m not sure if we were or we weren’t, but we sure thought we were) we wrote a lot of pages and started a graduate student reading series called “Readings in the Raw.”

Chicago was the place where I dared to make a commitment to writing. It was a commitment that I paid thousands of dollars for. And it was totally worth it. I highly recommend graduate school in writing to anyone in their twenties who wants to write. The hard work that I did at Columbia, writing thousands and thousand of pages over the course of three years, didn’t get me published outside those at the school, but it gave me an important foundation as a writer that I have drawn on over the years and continue to draw on as my writing career grows.

I’m going back to read as part of an event for Creative Nonfiction Week, which is a joint effort between the Fiction Department, the Journalism Department, and the English Department. If you are going to be around, please come by and say hello. You can learn more about Creative Nonfiction Week here.

Now if I can just get the sound of Frank Sinatra out of my head, I’ll get back to work.

Spent the weekend visiting two new-to-me Willamette Writer’s chapters.

First stop, Eugene and the Mid-Valley Willamette Writers. Was SO impressed with the energy at the meeting. Jojo and Sarah did a fabulous job co-chairing and the enthusiasm of the volunteers was very refreshing. I think that the Mid-Valley Willamette Writers have it going on! If you are in the Eugene area, you simply must check out their meetings.

Next stop, Ashland, Oregon, where my husband and I tracked down our old friend, Rory, (we met in Bellingham) only to find out that he’s moving to Portland, hooray! That’s only twenty minutes from us.

On Saturday morning, I gave a presentation to the Southern Chapter of Willamette Writers. Some of them were such good sports that they took a picture with me for this blog. What a great group! Thanks to Lori Patch for organizing!

I hope to see everyone again on the next tour!

I don’t know about all the other mom writers out there but this has been one busy summer for me. And that was without teaching a class since April. So now that I’m back in classes and, as always, trying to improve the quality of my classes across the board, I’m remembering what it’s like to work really, really hard.

Wait a minute, I was already working hard without the classes. Hmm, maybe next time it would be nice to have a book come out in the fall, so I can have more summertime off!

I’m working on the Northwest Author Series that I’m planning, which is sponsored by the Wilsonville Library and Arts and Culture Council. I’m so excited for Marc Acito to come to our sleepy little suburb and rock the house!

I’m preparing to attend the Whidbey Island Writers MFA program, which is just going to be so lovely.

I’m planning the year for Writers on the Rise with Managing Editor Sage Cohen.

I’m making a zillion doctor and dental appointments for the whole family.

I’m preparing for the awesome Writer Mama Back-to-School Daily Giveaway (see photo).

And I haven’t EVEN started getting my daughter ready for school yet. However, the tooth fairy did remember to come last night (again). And I did have my wits about me enough to send out a “calling all grandparents”note. It goes like this:

Help! Please send clothes!

And I have some invitations that are pending like a panel of writer mama authors at the Clackamas Barnes & Noble this November and a trip back up to Seattle in the Spring to participate in the King County Library’s Playing with Words event.

But you know what I really want to do? I’d really like to slow down on all the traveling and book promotions for a few months and write more. But suffice it to say, nothing wrong with having a really productive summer.

Oh dear, I’ve gotten behind on my thank yous.

First on my list is the Oregon Writers Colony. Thank you so much for inviting me to speak! I gave a presentation at the Cedar Hills Crossing Powell’s in Beaverton–Powell’s new home in Beaverton–at the end of June.

I loved the new suburban Powell’s location. So spacious and airy compared to downtown Powell’s (which is wonderful, of course, in its own mouse-in-a-maze way).

We had a nice turnout and I was so grateful to speak for such a respected and historic organization for writers. Did you know that Oregon Writer’s Colony has been helping writers for twenty-five years? That’s a good long time.

I’m looking forward to getting more involved with OWC in the future. Special thanks to Marsha Weber and Linda Leslie.

If you would like to learn more about the Oregon Writer’s Colony and their upcoming events, please visit their homepage. If you are a Pacific Northwest writer, I hope you will consider membership.

If you are a mom who writes then travel is surely in your future. If you don’t believe me just take a look at this blog. Since March when Writer Mama came out, I have been hitting the road on a regular basis.

And here I go again. This weekend, I’m off to see the writers, the wonderful writers of Willamette (sung to the tune of “We’re Off to see the Wizard”).

Every time I leave, I make sure the needs of my whole family are covered and coordinate the details with my husband. It’s like some kind of insurance policy and if you are going to write, you’d better plan ahead and get yourself some.

Call for Back-up!

When I travel, I need back-up. It’s too much to ask my husband to be on duty 24/7 for however many days I’ll be gone. So I call up our playdate friend, Barb, and I call in some favors. Of course, it’s only fair to offer her some extra coverage in return. Does she need a break from her four-year-old son? A night out with her hubby, perhaps? Does she feel free to call anytime?

After three years we have a pretty good idea of each other’s schedules and what we each usually can and can’t do for each other. With no family nearby, Barb has got my back and I’ve got hers. Whose got yours?

Plan Extra Carefully

I go over my travel plans like Saint Nick. I make a list and I check it twice, even thrice. Why? Because the first time I’m thinking about what I need. The second time I’m thinking about who I will see and what they will need from me. And the third time I’m making sure all of this will jive with my family’s needs.

Think traveling is easy when you are married and have kids? Think again. It’s three times as hard. Maybe you can synthesize all the players in one fell swoop. I like my system cuz it works for me: cover the basics, check everyone’s needs, then confirm. What works for you?

Plan a Trial Run

Last summer around conference time, I didn’t have a book. I had stacks and stacks of manuscript drafts. However, I had enough clout to land some speaking gigs based on the credentials I had. If you land a book deal, you will probably have at least as much clout and I encourage you to flex it.

A bad idea is to never venture out until your book comes out because then you’re putting a ton of pressure on yourself and your book. I learned a ton presenting at conferences last year and I’m happy to say that my presentations are much better now, as is appropriate for an author (as opposed to an almost-author).

So, as soon as you land that book deal, or better yet even sooner, get your buns out there and be visible. You’ll be so much more polished later thanks to the real life experience today.

Learn Quickly From Mistakes

Last time I drove to the PNWA Conference, the water pump went out in our Montero just as I was merging onto I-5 to fly like the wind home. What did I learn after two extra days at Seatac that I didn’t plan for? I learned to never, ever drive my own vehicle further than an hour away from home when I’m traveling alone. If I’d been driving a rental, it would have replaced and I could have been home the same day. Instead I was stuck, unprepared and unhappy (although I tried to make the best of it). This year, you better believe I got myself a rental car.

Wean Yourself From Your Family Gradually

Speaking of that trip to Seattle last year. I very suddenly went from being gone for three days to being gone for five days—the longest I’d ever been away from my daughter. Fortunately, she was with her dad and had a regular childcare schedule, so even though mommy was missing, her routine was pretty much unchanged.

What surprised me was how hard it was for me to be away from her, especially in such an unplanned manner. However, I learned from my recent five-day trip to New York City, that planned or unplanned, it really doesn’t matter much.

When my husband unwittingly showed up at the airport without our daughter to pick me up, I burst into tears because I missed her so much. (He’ll never make that mistake again.) So I’d say it’s wise to know and honor your limits, both theirs and yours.

Or…Take the Fam’ Along for the Ride

I do not take the family along with me easily. We have two puppies at home, so for all of us to leave the dogs must be taken to the kennel and then picked up. Extra money must be spent. However, it’s not as hard to bring my daughter along, so long as I can arrange for support wherever I’m going (I did this on a trip to Third Place Books this past Spring). You might leave your child or children with family or friends. You might arrange for the whole gang to come along, including the pets (or hire a petsitter back home).

Here’s a few things to keep in mind before you unwittingly combine work and family travel:

Can you meet all of your responsibilities if you bring the family?

Can you maintain your sanity at the same time?

Will everyone be relatively happy about the situation? (Think win-win-win.)

Or does the situation have the potential to be a complete disaster? (It’s possible.)

Remember that traveling alone is one thing and traveling with the entire family is something else completely. I know of families who support mom’s desire to write. But I don’t know too many families who can maintain this level of support on the road. So be smart and take care of your professional needs first, then see if there is room left over to manage having your whole family around.

If the answer is “No,” don’t feel badly even for one second. This is your job, your work, your profession, and your spouse and most others who work have similar feelings about keeping home and family comfortably separate.

[Note: I typed this with my daughter wiggling on my lap, so I'll fix the typos later.]

Yes, it’s true! Barnes and Noble sold out of copies of Writer Mama at the PNWA Conference this weekend. Only three copies remained for the post-dinner author signing. I would like to always have such problems.

My presentation, Chutes and Ladders, Healthy Habits of Productive Writers went well too. I felt relaxed and focused (despite the full moon messing with my sleep) and participants were attentive and participated. I always enjoy bumping into people in the halls during the rest of the conference.

So, I’m really happy (and tired) this Monday morning.

The irony of traveling to writing conferences is that they typically happen on the weekend. Then you are back in the saddle on Monday morning, usually feeling elated by all you’ve learned, all the folks you’ve met, and all the excitement.

But at the same time like you’ve been run over by a truck from all the same.

Speaking of trucks. I took a rental car up to Seattle because we own one car. The rental company ran out of cars before I got there. So instead of driving a nice little compact car like I got last time, they gave me a giant boat-of-car. I could have fit an entire circus troupe in this thing. It was like steering a boat on the highway!

My biggest challenge was staying between the lines and making sure that no one hit, scratched, or otherwise marred the pristine black paint job over the course of forty-eight hours.

Seriously, it was a bit stressful. But no one did. Thank goodness.

More about what I came home to in the next post. I have mucho action-steps to take this morning. And I’m sure you do too. Especially if you attended the conference. Time to put all that good advice to work!

I’ll also post some photos soon…

Have a great Monday, everyone!